Young Ladies, Respect your Boyfriends.

respect your husband

Dear Young Ladies, I have a piece of advice for you.  It’s the most important relationship advice you will ever get.  I swear.  It’s that important.  Are you ready?

 

Stop disrespecting your man.

 

I mean it.  I don’t care if he’s a d*****-bag or an ***-hole, or any of the other things you want to be sure I understand about him.  Either leave the dude, or respect him.  Period.

 

You can’t bully your man into treating you better.  <<Click to tweet

 

It’s a cycle.  You disrespect him, he cares about you less.  He cares about you less, you disrespect him more.  The only hope you have is to be the bigger person (Ahem. Not via the above picture) and stop the cycle.

 

Stop it, I tell you!

 

Because here’s what it boils down to: If you’re nice (read: respectful) to someone, particularly when they don’t “deserve” it, they find themselves increasingly unable to be hateful towards you.  It’s love, yo.  The one thing in life that can’t be fought against.

 

There’s no reasonable counter for unabashed love and respect.

 

And I gotta tell you, ladies: you’re grieving me.  I see the way you talk to your boyfriends in the lines at the store and in the mall.  It’s downright disrespectful.  Somewhere along the line in our society you whippersnappers have decided it’s plain cute to pick on your boyfriends and push them around.  Well, guess what?  It’s not.  They may laugh.  For now.  But 3 years down the road when your marriage is falling apart?  Yeah.  Not so funny then.

So respect your boyfriends.  Or leave.

 

P.S. There’s a book about this.  It’s called Love and Respect.  Imagine that.

Do it.  DO it.

 

-Jessica

Comments

  1. I’m so glad you wrote this! My boss is always talking about how she nags and yells at her husband on purpose. How she takes out her stress on him about work and doesn’t feel bad. I listen to her yell and nag at him on the phone in her office. I’m not sure why he stays around. Thats one thing I tell my daughter, when she starts dating, don’t be that person. It’s not cute and it’s not nice. And it’s really not cute coming from someone in their 40’s.

    • I really don’t understand how people stay married so long that emasculate there husband’s all the time. I grew up in a house like that. It’s not fun for anybody.

      • I don’t either. And when I asked for time off so I could see my husband when he gets home from deployment, she said, “ok, but if you get sick of him feel free to come in.” Probably not going into work. lol Anyway this is good advice and I’m glad there are other women that like their husbands. ;)

        • I hear that all the time, too! My husband is in the navy and when he comes back from deployment and I’m (gasp!) excited, some Debbie Downer always tells me that I’ll be sick of him within days. Um, hasn’t happened yet. ;) We were together literally 24/7 for 5 months when he briefly got out of the navy several years ago (he’s back in now). Neither of us worked, and we took classes together at LSU. We had the best time! Unfettered time to talk, hang out, study, etc.? Yes, please! Phooey on people who don’t get it. We’re happy. So sue me. ;)

  2. I wouldn’t stop at young ladies. ;-) I kid you not, I have seen it all the way up to old lady.

    • I know, right? It’s so sad. But I can’t in good conscious tell the old married ladies to leave. So I’m trying to nip it in the bud. :)

      • Well, I’ve noticed that the older you get, the less you care about who you hurt. LOL. I’m old, I’m dying, LISTEN UP, SONNY!!!!

        You wouldn’t believe some of the comments I get when i wear my “My husband Rocks” shirt. I don’t think the world is used to women who like and love their husbands!

  3. Yes! Agreed!

    Bad habits are hard to break…

    Love. that. book.!!

  4. AMEN! I’ve seen so many women do that and it just turns my stomach. I see it at my work all the time. And these same women try to get me on their side! I’ve made more than a few of them angry by siding with the man…it makes the guy stand just a tiny bit taller when I do…

  5. Wow, check out some of my awesome typos in the comments. That’s what I get for responding after midnight. Never a good idea. Lol.

  6. You’re forgetting the bigger piece of advice:

    If you don’t respect him, DON’T DATE HIM. I see these women all too often, sitting around, big smiles on their faces, while they share stories about what a loser their boyfriend/fiancée/husband is. It blows my mind. If he’s that much of a jerk, why are you with him?? It drives me batty. But women seem to take some kind of perverse pleasure out of detailing their significant others’ flaws, reveling in the tales of their woes, all the ways they’ve been wronged, all the things they hate about their men. All I ever hear are the ad nauseum rants about how men are jerks, marriage is so hard and thankless, etc. I’m here to tell you: marry a man you respect, and who respects you back, and marriage is NOT hard. It’s NOT thankless. In fact, it’s the most gratifying thing I’ve ever done. We are coming up on our 10 year anniversary, and neither of us has ever raised our voice to the other, ever called one another a nasty name, ever said things designed to hurt. And these past 10 years haven’t been easy. We have been put through the wringer of crappy life circumstances, enduring things I seriously wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. But our relationship has been the foundation that has allowed us to work through the crap together. We’re a team. I like to say that life hasn’t been easy, but being married sure has been. Why? Because we respect one another, deeply and profoundly.

    I’ll say it again: DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH SOMEONE YOU DO NOT RESPECT. Nice, kind, respect-worthy men abound out there. Don’t settle for the jerk. Please.

    • Wow, you are a lucky lady indeed for that list of never evers! Most of us have to do a fair amount of disrespecting before we find the yellow brick road to a better marriage.

      • Oh, I had the bad relationships in my younger days, let me tell you. I have a restraining order against an ex (at the judge’s urging) because he was so unstable. So trust me; I’ve been there. But I learned my lesson and wasn’t willing to toy around with someone who wasn’t worth it. Life is too short for that. I get that no one is perfect, and conflicts happen. It’s that sick delight women seem to take in the lack of respect that they have for their men. That I will never understand. I guess misery loves company, so if you’re unhappy, it must make you feel better to know that other women are, too. But as you said in the original post, it’s a cycle. If you treat him like crap, he’s going to treat you like crap right back. Nothing good could possibly come of that. And given that men across the board have said that respect is paramount to them, there really is nothing worse you can do in your relationship than disrespect your partner. Women cry out to be loved and romanced, but a belittled, hen-pecked man is not going to want to romance the source of his misery. Talk about a self-perpetuating cycle of misery. :P

        • Definitely. And it really bothers me also how women even brag about how crappily treat their men and “put them in their place”.

          • YES. Like they think it’s a badge of honor or some kind of noteworthy achievement. I have news for them: being mean isn’t hard. Biting your tongue and being kind is a lot more difficult, and something worthy of being proud of. But being mean? Treating someone like dirt? That’s nothing anyone should brag about. Ugh, this makes me so sad. :( My brother, the nicest guy in the whole world, is married to one of those. It really seems like she spends her days looking for excuses to demean him. But then she cries and says he doesn’t make her feel loved. Honey, why would he when you make his life a living hell?? Uggggggggggh. :(

    • i seriously love your first comment, cheryl. soooo good.
      thank you for the encouraging advice!

  7. My husband and I are not perfect, but we have come a zillion miles from the first years of our marriage. We still have our days. This book looks great and I was suprised to see that our library has it, so I am picking it up tomorrow. You can never read too many books to help better your marriage.

  8. Amen. So . . . I’m thankful that there was some women’s rights movements and all . . . but I’m so irritated with FemiNazis.
    Oops.
    I mean Feminists.
    It’s infiltrated everywhere – it’s gone beyond releasing women into freedom – it’s trying to win “freedom” by destroying half the world’s population. Which will kick them in the pants. What gets me is how much it is in the church. Women who say they are not FemiNazis (err, Feminists) actually behave and talk as if they are. It’s gross.
    In choosing this year’s Father’s Day cards my heart broke. SO MANY were anti-men: doofus dads, lazy husband themes. And those were the top-sellers. All these great men were going to be opening degrading, emasculating cards on Father’s Day. Argh!
    I feel myself going off on a rant. So I’ll stop.
    Bravo.

  9. Stumbled upon your blog through the BMBH, and LOVED this post! Yes, yes, and yes. Thank you.

  10. Ha, I should probably wear this post title as a hanging sign around my neck.
    Thank you Jessica. (:

  11. One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was from a Titus 2 mentor. She stressed that you don’t badmouth your husband/boyfriend to other people. If you need to complain about him, fine, but you do so by crawling into your prayer closet and complaining to Jesus Christ about him and then praying over him, and then you let it go. And of course, that goes right back to what you said about respecting him. We’re not showing him respect if we’re constantly griping about him to the girls at work at the coffee bar.

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