Writing Scared

 

I have a confession to make, y’all.  I’ve been writing scared, writing chained.

 

This blogging journey, along with other life experiences these last couple of years, have left me a bit chicken.  I developed a severe case of trollitis and it weakened my internet immune system.  The truth is (are you ready to cry me a river?)  this blogging thing can be hard on the soul.

 

People are much less inhibited to disagree with your when it’s all just words floating on a screen.  People say things with their keyboards that they’d never say with the mouth they kiss their mama with.  And often times, they don’t want to have a conversation – they just want to talk at you, usually while misunderstanding your original sentiment to begin with.

 

And it’s left me writing in a much blander world, a world of disclaimers.

 

I’ve become less of a writer.  It’s crippled my ability to form a sentence without sprinkling it with clarifications, without constantly reshaping the content to offend as few people as possible.  Because offended people make me tired.  They make me sad.  They make me not want to write at all.

 

It’s left me in a place of Bohemian Boring.  Edited. Censored.

 

If I stumbled onto my own blog, I don’t know if I’d bother to follow it anymore.  Once in awhile I find an old post and I think, I want to be that girl againI want to write from the bottom of my convictions, I want to write in a way that stirs people, in a way that people can connect to.

 

Because, my favorite bloggers?  They’ve got balls, y’all.  If they’re afraid of trolls and peers, they sure don’t show it.  Jamie, Joy, J.K., Rachel, Carlos, Shaun, Jennifer – they write with passion.  They write the things I think, the things I believe but are too scared to write.

 

You can’t please everybody.  It’s impossible.  And I’m finally realizing I would rather write passionately about something and be opposed, than write mediocre about everything and flounder.

 

I feel a change in the air.  I feel my strength regaining, my resolve resolving.  We are on the cusp of a huge transition in our life, and with it I feel like we’re shedding the last of the prison that we’ve been sitting in – the cage of other people’s opinions and expectations.

 

So look out, y’all.  Cause I feel myself returning to some of my Bohemian glory.  You might want to hold on to your hats.

 

———————————

My friend Rachel wrote a song that beautifully encapsulates this time of old endings and new beginnings in our life and she blessed me with the live version this week.  I hope you enjoy it, too.

 

-Jessica

photo by richlee

Comments

  1. I’d rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for who I’m not. ;-)

    Be you.
    Amy recently posted..The World Went QuietMy Profile

    • Jessica says:

      I’ve always been a little wary of this mantra, because I’ve seen the bitches use it to justify their bitchiness so often. Lol. BUT I do still agree with the sentiment.

  2. that’s as it should be. you’re a great writer, and i don’t know how now differs from before! but stand firm and preach it well, girl! you won’t be satisfied, otherwise.
    blessings,
    steph
    HopeUnbroken recently posted..why you might want toMy Profile

  3. You go! I’ve been trying to let go of some fear after a kick in the pants from someone that I really, really respect. It’s easy to slide into a safe place, but like you, that’s not what I like to READ.

    Here’s to being all YOU.
    Alise recently posted..The Princess’s DilemmaMy Profile

    • Jessica says:

      We start out so strong, sort of fearless in our writing. But then we all get that kick to our pants somewhere along the lines, I think. Let’s let go of the fear together. :) Btw, you’re one of the peeps that I think are so brave!

  4. The best, biggest takeaway from Blissdom from me this year was Jeff Goins saying “the world doesn’t need more safe writing.” Now, I haven’t applied that as much I want to yet, but those words have taken root in my soul.

    Looking forward to more BRAVE writing from you, mama.
    Megan at SortaCrunchy recently posted..Your Green Resource – Week Thirty-ThreeMy Profile

  5. I don’t like writers who write just to get a reaction. That bugs me. But I do love good writing- confrontational or not. I love authenticity and if that leads to disagreement, it means we are human.
    Aadel recently posted..Ministering With Forgiveness and GraceMy Profile

  6. I started following you lately… so apparently it’s been worthwhile. Be free! …But don’t get down on yourself for not.

  7. I keep finding myself directed to your blog through one avenue or another. So here recently I’ve been reading it fairly regularly and have enjoyed it.. but am SUPER excited to read whatever comes of “unchaining” your blog. LOVE authenticity and feeling stretched.. when I’m offended by something I feel challenged to explore things more and take it all to Jesus (i.e. why does it offend me and how can I love that person inspite of my disagreement with them.) Anyways, kudos to you for being true to who God made you.

    • Jessica says:

      I’m the same way, when I’m confronted with something contrary to what I already belief, I find it intriguing. But I’ve found that’s definitely not the norm. Most people just get angry. : /

  8. :) I love the uncensored you!
    Rachel Sauls recently posted..To Those Who Wait by Bethany DillonMy Profile

  9. I started following your blog recently too, and I like it. That said, I always love the controversial posts (with someone who’s willing to be challenged and to discuss!). I have also felt the same way in my blogging recently. I’ve refrained from posting my more controversial stuff out of fear… but I’m getting bored with my own self!
    beth@redandhoney recently posted..When Love Looks Like Selling Your iPhoneMy Profile

    • Jessica says:

      I know that feeling all too well. I’m so grateful to be finally releasing the chains that have bound me!

  10. As long as you agree with me, I say go for it. ;)
    Vicki Arnold recently posted..Who Said They Could Get Big?My Profile

  11. 1st to even be listed here… makes me smile. Because I think you are super brave. Holy crap, girlfriend you are selling everything to move far…. far…. away. If that doesn’t make folks see you are serious about Jesus Christ then they have their head in a box.

    When you write brave – you get crap. It goes hand in hand. I’ve had stalkers who would not quit with their agenda and had no desire to actually hear what I had to say. They have me all figured out and I AM So sinning and wrong and in danger of going to hell. Oh well can’t win em all. I get anxious and worried too about what others are going to say or think and then I remember that is my people-pleasing person coming out and I just shut her up. She has no place in my head. The truth hurts – it hurts to tell it like it is, it hurts to hear it. But we need to tell it. We need to be authentic. We need to live it authentically. And we need to hear it.

    The body of Christ has to find a way to listen, to ask the hard questions, to hear the answers to those questions and to be OBEDIENT. Be obedient to His story in you. Be obedient to that Spirit that guides you. And bear the weight of responsibilty that comes with telling the truth. You are loved.
    Jessica recently posted..Pssst. Hey you put that box down… God isn’t in it.My Profile

  12. Hi Jessica, Write what the Spirit of God tells you to, and be unafraid. You will lose some readers, and you will gain some readers, but most of all, you will regain your joy in writing.
    Blessings. I love the honesty of your blog!!

  13. Rock out with your blog out, yo :)
    Neffer recently posted..Lake JefferyMy Profile

  14. That is where I am. Thank you for stepping up. I’m right behind you ;o)

    btw: LOVE the song!
    Jules Rothacher recently posted..Mother’s Day Gifts for YOU {or the mother in your life}My Profile

  15. Don’t be afraid to be who you are, to say what you want. If there’s one thing I know for sure is we’ve been given free will and the gift of communicating because it can HELP people. Of course you won’t go hurting people with unkind words just because you can lol but censoring ourselves, “editing” our words and our feelings is like denying one of the greatest gifts God gave us — having the chance to change people’s lives forever just with our honest and sincere testimony, whether it is pretty or not. :)
    Felipe Neumann recently posted..make me happyMy Profile

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