I have a confession to make, y’all. I’ve been writing scared, writing chained.
This blogging journey, along with other life experiences these last couple of years, have left me a bit chicken. I developed a severe case of trollitis and it weakened my internet immune system. The truth is (are you ready to cry me a river?) this blogging thing can be hard on the soul.
People are much less inhibited to disagree with your when it’s all just words floating on a screen. People say things with their keyboards that they’d never say with the mouth they kiss their mama with. And often times, they don’t want to have a conversation – they just want to talk at you, usually while misunderstanding your original sentiment to begin with.
And it’s left me writing in a much blander world, a world of disclaimers.
I’ve become less of a writer. It’s crippled my ability to form a sentence without sprinkling it with clarifications, without constantly reshaping the content to offend as few people as possible. Because offended people make me tired. They make me sad. They make me not want to write at all.
It’s left me in a place of Bohemian Boring. Edited. Censored.
If I stumbled onto my own blog, I don’t know if I’d bother to follow it anymore. Once in awhile I find an old post and I think, I want to be that girl again. I want to write from the bottom of my convictions, I want to write in a way that stirs people, in a way that people can connect to.
Because, my favorite bloggers? They’ve got balls, y’all. If they’re afraid of trolls and peers, they sure don’t show it. Jamie, Joy, J.K., Rachel, Carlos, Shaun, Jennifer – they write with passion. They write the things I think, the things I believe but are too scared to write.
You can’t please everybody. It’s impossible. And I’m finally realizing I would rather write passionately about something and be opposed, than write mediocre about everything and flounder.
I feel a change in the air. I feel my strength regaining, my resolve resolving. We are on the cusp of a huge transition in our life, and with it I feel like we’re shedding the last of the prison that we’ve been sitting in – the cage of other people’s opinions and expectations.
So look out, y’all. Cause I feel myself returning to some of my Bohemian glory. You might want to hold on to your hats.
My friend Rachel wrote a song that beautifully encapsulates this time of old endings and new beginnings in our life and she blessed me with the live version this week. I hope you enjoy it, too.
photo by richlee