So, what do you do with the kids in a house church? 

 

It’s one of the number one things people ask when first considering that the idea of house church isn’t completely heretical.

 

What do you do with them?  Do the grown ups take turns teaching them in a separate room, like Children’s Church?  Do you ask the older children to babysit the younger children?  Do all the age groups just stay together for the “lesson”?

 

Well, none of the above.

 

What do the children do in our personal gatherings?  They play.  (gasp)  They play legos and they play video games, and they play in the yard with stick swords and hula hoops.   The very young sometimes sit in grown up laps and the ones that are getting a bit older and more mature (like our Eleven year Old) often times sit amongst the grown ups as they talk about the bible and how it applies to our lives and the teenagers are grown ups so they sit there, too.

 

We have a pretty large age-range typically at our gatherings, from 3 year olds to 45 year olds.  And they all coexist peacefully.

 

A couple of years ago when we first felt ourselves pulled toward the idea of house church, one of the biggest hurdles standing in our way was the issue of the children.  My husband in particular was worried about this and afraid that they would interrupt and disrupt too much, that no one would be able to concentrate.

 

And, you know what?  That could be a problem in a more formal environment.  I’ve seen it happen.  The idea of “home groups” has become more popular in the last few years, even within the more traditional churches.   Many are dabbling in the idea that perhaps a home is a more natural environment for teaching and discipleship.  But what often happens is a slightly too formal church-at-home atmosphere (similar to the difference between relaxed homeschooling and a more formal school-at-home approach).  Meaning, often times what occurs is still too forced, too formal.  People mean well, of course.  But they’re still trying to take the place of the Holy Spirit and impose structure on a situation that doesn’t necessarily need it to the degree they’re dishing it out.

 

The saddest part about this mistake in leadership, in my opinion, is that it almost entirely rules out families with small children from the home group environment.  It recreates one of the same problems found in the institution – the babysitting of children or excluding of parents.   Children must either be relocated somewhere more friendly to their temperaments or made to endure the reserved and quiet.  And I don’t know if you’ve met any children lately, but that’s not their strong suit, y’all.

 

I went to a homegroup meeting of an institution’s starting some months back.  There were quite a lot of people there, it was a packed house.  But guess what? Besides a pastor’s wife, I was the only one there with children.  And it’s not hard to understand why.  At first everyone stood around talking, mingling, and so forth.  But when the proverbial bell was rung, everyone found a seat and shut up.  Then one man proceeded to pull out a music-stand type podium and teach – from a workbook.  Everyone else was quiet unless the leader proposed a question.

 

Now, I only have two things to say about that:

 

1) I give them kudos for at least attempting something more casual.  That’s more than a lot of people are doing, and at least people were able to have a little bit of a voice, though it was still restrained.

and

2) It’s not good enough.  Yes, they had good intentions (as do most people), but it’s not good enough.  It’s not far enough in the right direction.  It’s just not.

 

And because of that I spent at least an hour outside with my four children and let them play while this meeting went on.  Because it was definitely no environment for Wild Things.  Not by far.  And so it was no environment for me, either.

 

… to be continued.

 

-Jessica