Sounds easy, right? But anyone who’s been married long knows that it’s harder than it sounds. Apparently, love shown isn’t cookie cutter. Now they say people even have different “love languages”. What seems loving to me doesn’t translate as loving for him. Thanks, Adam and Eve, for a harder-than-it-should-be relationship heritage. Sigh. That being said, I’m going to share the top five ways to show your husband you love him, no matter what language his love speaks.
1. Take out the trash.
And no, I don’t mean metaphorically. Actually, physically take out the trash. Actions speak louder than words, and no one likes taking out the trash. If your house is like mine, trash-taking-out is a task most often given to the men of the house, whether it be husbands or older sons. Not to read too much into it, but have you ever thought about how that must come across? “Oh good, you’re here – take out my stinking mess please.” I’ve even been known to already be working in the kitchen and still calling my husband in to ask him to take out the garbage. Or spending all day with a too-full can, waiting on him to come home and take it out. If the roles were reversed, that would definitely hurt my feelings. So ladies, take out the trash once in awhile. It won’t kill you.
2. Do the things he asks.
In a timely manner. You know that form he asked you to mail, or those stamps he asked you to pick up, or that library book he asked you to return that you just. keep. forgetting about? Well, do it. Habitual forgetfulness (or just plain procrastination) isn’t a sign of love or that you care about the person who is most affected by your forgetfulness. Psychologically speaking, it’s a sign of selfishness, even if only on a subconscious level. So, be mindful of other people’s requests. It’s terribly rude and frustrating to have an unreliable partner.
3. D0n’t interrupt.
If you’re like me you don’t necessarily do it on purpose, but cutting him off, either out of malice or air-headedness, can become a regular thing. It’s disrespectful. And while we’re at it, speak to him respectfully in general. Don’t be all sighs-and-flared-nostrils all the time. Drop the condescension and exasperatedness. They don’t affect change in anyone anyway. Pull up your big-girl panties and try grace on for size.
4. It.
Do more of it. And yes, I do mean “it“. Men need sex in a different way than women. It’s been said that women typically need to feel loved to “make love”. But for men, “making love” makes them feel loved. Yes, statistically, your husband is always gonna want to walk down that lovin’ road more than you do. But don’t make a habit of denying him the walk. Find a balance. The boy needs it.
5. Give him what he needs, socially.
Is your husband introverted? Then leave him alone sometimes. Is your husband super verbal? Make time to listen to him. Everyone has specific social needs and if they’re not met to some degree, a happy boy your husband will not make. He might need to be alone for 30 minutes when he first comes home, or he might need to immediately tell you about his day before he does anything else. Learn who he is and what he needs. And then make an effort to help him satisfy those needs.
That’s it! Not too terribly complicated, right?
Oh, and one more thing. Before all the angry feminists show up to burn me at the stake, let me be clear – at the heart of all of these points, is the golden rule; the second greatest commandment. Treat other people the want you want to be treated. Do you want your husband to not satisfy your needs, socially or sexually? Do you want him to always put off the stuff you ask him to do? Do you want him to interrupt you and treat you disrespectfully?
No? Oh, well then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask the same of you, gals. ;)
Jessica
P.S. I have failed at all of the above, many times over in the past dozen years.
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Picture by Luba V Nel via dreasmtime
Your first tip tripped me out!! We live in a rural area, meaning that we have to take our trash to “the dump”. For some reason when we moved here almost 5 years ago, I said, “Babe, you work so hard. The least I can do is load up the trash and take it to the dump.”
I’ll just say that it was a self-inflicted pain in the tail at times. LOL.
Socially, my husband is the talker and I’m the introvert. Thankfully its been easy for me to just smile and gaze admiringly at him while he’s speaking. ;) It takes the pressure off of me to have to say anything.
Kela recently posted..Pressing Through
Wow, that’s a lot more effort than I was talking about. Lol. I just have to take it out to the can in our yard. :)
Thank you for this, my husband asked something of me that I forgot about this morning. I stopped reading the post and did it. We can all use the reminder at some point. I loved your note to the “feminist” antagonist, it really does come down to treating people right, no matter what. We should desire that especially so for our spouse. :)
Vicki Arnold recently posted..Random Notes From the Trenches
Tell your husband you’re welcome from me. ;)
Wow…. have you been spying on me and my flared nostrils? You are right: treat other people the way you want to be treated. So sad that I fail most at this with the people dearest to me: my hubby and kids. Thanks for the reminder!
Yes, I’ve been spying on you … in the mirror. ;)
LOL #4 … delicately put! :)
Carma recently posted..Daring Daylight Cat Rescue!
Thanks. :)
#4 for me:
When he doesn’t feel like “it” then don’t pressure. Maybe he is just tired and doesn’t feel he could give “it” all the attention it deserves. Be patient and wait. ;0)
Aadel recently posted..Beowulf Notebooking Pages: Grendel’s Mother
Well said, good point!
Great stuff! I’m glad you called out that it goes both ways. With some minor tweaking this could’ve just as easily been titled “Top 5 Ways to Show Your Wife You Love Her”.
Men and women have complementary needs and while each couple is different, they are uniquely paired to meet each others needs. Socially, emotionally, respectfully and otherwise.
I think it’s a shame when anyone thinks serving their spouse somehow diminishes their own value. The result is the exact opposite. You become MORE valuable.
ThatGuyKC recently posted..Who Wants to be a Billionaire? (Almost)
I seem to remember you doing a post with a similar title. : ) It really is a shame that, in our society, when women want to meet the needs of their man, it’s looked upon negatively, but we all agree that men should make an effort to please us.
Good words! Sound, solid advice. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve failed over the years, too.
Harks back to to Jesus’s words: “who would be the greatest of all must become the least, & servant of all.” We give up our lives to find them.
randomlychad recently posted..Caption This: With Pie
So simple, and yet so hard.
Shouldnt #4 be #1? Ha! joking :) (sorta. lol)
I try to do these things, but having only been married for only a year and a half, I guess we are still “honeymooning” (ha, mooning) so its not too difficult. Yet. (although it does drive me nuts when he throws his wet towels on the floor. NUTS I say!) But I do try to make conscious effort and be aware of what Im doing/how Im acting so hopefully I wont slip in to a flared nostrils rut. :)
Neffer recently posted..Alligator Lake again
Pffft, would’ve been too obvious at number 1. More fun it if sneaks up and surprises you at 4. ;)
#win
You know how to love your husband. If more women did this, us man would do ANYTHING you want us too, even watch Hunger Games! :)
Moe recently posted..5 Minutes With Discipulus: Alece Ronzino
Oh, but knowing and doing can be such different things. It’s applying my wickedly awesome wife knowledge that I have to continuously strive for. : )
Hahahahahahaha….hey, wait. No, really — great post. Pondering…..
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