There are so many true things swirling around in life, in our heads, in our hearts – and yet left unsaid.
I got to thinking about this recently when I watched a TED Talk by the founders of the parenting website Babble. They said that parenting had been much harder an experience than they expected – mostly because of false advertisement. They now realize that the really hard stuff, the really nitty gritty aspects of parenting aren’t talked about. They’re embarrassing and demoralizing and so we tuck those things away and only share the happy bits.
We do this for several reasons, I suppose. We don’t want be a complainer, a downer. Or we think we’re the only ones. We have appearances to keep up. Well, the Babble couple proposes that we come out of our closets of struggling. Why? So we can build a community of empathy and support. So that we can find intimacy in the commiserating. In short, to help.
There’s something so incredibly cathartic in knowing that you’re not the only one struggling . I experienced the truth in this again recently when I shared that sometimes my life is hard. An outpouring of confessional comments rolled in full of heartache and brokenness. It was sort of beautiful.
So, today we’re going to be honest. Not attacking or destructive – just honest. What wears you down, eats away at you? Here’s my confession for the day:
Sometimes I worry that we’re going to be one of those couples that divorce after our kids leave the nest. That our marriage will dissolve in a fit of equal parts bitterness and apathy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband. He’s been my best friend since I was 17. But . . .
We’re real people. We have real problems. And up to this point in our lives the mere opportunity cost of splitting has been a big part of keeping us together. Because let’s be real here – in the heat of heartbreak, sometimes it’s not your vow to God that makes you stay – it’s the c0mplicatedness of leaving. It’s just not worth it, it would shatter too many things.
But 10, 15 years from now? If we don’t work through some of our issues, we could easily be that couple. I don’t want to be that couple. Plus, the longer we take to get this grace thing together, the more baggage we’re strapping onto the back of our children to carry into adulthood. “Here sweetie, here’s a few pounds of burden to haul into your future relationships. You’re welcome. “
And, ya know, compared to most people I actually think we’re doing pretty good. We’ve met a lot of couples over the years and technically we’re stronger than most, I think. But it’s just so easy for negativity to creep in and tell you you’re the worst, and he’s the worst, and this is the worst. When really, it’s probably closer to great.
That’s my taboo truth today. What’s yours?