How To Ruin Easter {A Resurrection Roll Story)

How to ruin Easter. (A resurrection roll story.) 

 

I ruined Easter.  There – I said it.

 

It’s taken me some time to be able to talk about it, but two days post-Easter, I’m finally ready to confess my sins. What happened, you ask? The blogosphere happened.  I fully blame them.  They kept posting all of their artsy, creative, delicious opinions and plans online and it compelled me to try something new.

 

So I decided to make …  (wait for it) …

 

Resurrection Rolls.

 

Easy Resurrection Rolls

 

You may have seen the hundreds of happy homemakers out there blogging about these in recent years.  Successfully.  You take a marshmallow, dip that sucker in butter, roll it in cinnamon and sugar, and then wrap it up in a crescent roll.  Bada bing – bada boom, ten minutes later you open the crescent rolls to see that *gasp* the marshmallow has disappeared and the roll  tomb is empty!

 

 

It looked fool-proof.  So I decided I was going to be a good mom this year and get all analogous and projecty for a holiday.  Because I never do that.

 

I gathered the Wild Things into the kitchen Sunday morning and spouted encouraging crescent roll wisdom.  I artfully showed them how to roll their marshmallow in butter, and pinch all the seams of their Kroger brand crescent rolls like a refined pastry chef.

 

And then we waited for the resurrection magic to happen.

 

What happened next was so horrifying it’s hard to share…

 

Jesus bubbled out of our tombs.  And ran all over our pan. 

 

I took my spatula and attempted to scrape and scoop Him off the aluminum pan, stringing him from sticky fingers to plate.  I apologized remorsefully to Him for making a mess of his glorious day.  I forgave Him for possibly ruining my pan.

 

And then I delivered the failed treat to the awaiting and gleeful children.  They began to laugh and joke about our Not Resurrected Rolls.  And as I walked out of the room I heard Four Year Old laugh, “Jesus the Marshmallow died!

 

*CRINGE*

 

Good job, Mom – I berated myself.  Now your children sound like Atheists.  Why don’t you teach them the phrase “Zombie Jesus Day” while you’re at it. 

 

But we had one pan left, so I determined to take back Easter.  These tombs rolls would be a success!  Would!

 

I watched them carefully.  They browned beautifully.  Jesus was not gooping out of them.  So I whisked them from the oven before another marshmallow could strike a blow to my faith.  And I presented them to my children, flawless.  I said, “Look children, our rolls have risen. Come hither, and behold the glory of the Lord”.

 

And then we opened them, to find a big. white. marshmallow in the heart of each one.

 

I  ran sobbing from the room, but not before hearing Four Year Old exclaim, “Hahahahahaha, Jesus didn’t DIE!”

 

At which point Husband couldn’t take it anymore and told them all sternly that “You don’t joke about God!” and how you shouldn’t make fun of someone who died for you.

 

Then the Wild Things started to cry.

 

And we threatened them with their life if they repeated any of the above at church, before racing them to Sunday School.  Late.

 

But by the end of a sugar infested class time, they had recovered. And I’m fairly certain they won’t be scarred for life.  Oh well. There’s always next year.

 

-Jessica

Comments

  1. This is hilarious. Your children will forever be scarred! Poor children! LOL
    My recent post 21st Century Greetings

  2. You didn't ruin Easter…you made it….memorable! ;)

  3. This. Was. Awesome.

    The last picture is priceless.
    My recent post Relax- Relate- Release

  4. Thanks for ticking thy ol’ funny bone! Just wait about 10 years from now and all y’all will be laughing, snorting, and hooping about this.

    Picture this . . . Do y’all remember the Easter mom wanted to “show” us the tomb was empty (insert belly aching laugh) . . .

    Making memories that’s what is important!

  5. :) And as my husband just pointed out as I read this aloud to him ,THIS is why I have never tried any of the resurrection recipes. I have a habit of changing things, just slightly, and of course when you change a recipe that has to be just so it tends to FAIL. Plus I am too lazy and getting all three children IN THE SAME ROOM at the SAME TIME is hard to do, and then the complaining, OH the complaining. Yeah, not happening. And I think it is absolutely hilarious (honestly I think Jesus would have laughed had He been there physically. And I am sure He had a bit of a giggle about the whole thing, but then I suspect He laughs good naturedly about all our attempts just as we do when our children do similar things. :))

    • Yes, I learned my lesson. Sometimes I have to do something stupid to re-learn a lesson I already knew. Cause I'm just not that smart. Lol.

  6. HA HA HA HA.. I love this, Jessica. Your kids' comments are priceless. I think Jesus would have laughed.

    I made resurrection cookies. Those are pretty safe and easy to do. Try those next year. There are also resurrection eggs. You CAN NOT mess those up.
    My recent post I bought the chocolate bunny

    • I've heard of the eggs but don't know what they are. Maybe I'll look into that next year. Or never try an easter food activity again. Lol.

  7. Never fear….I had leaky Jesus Rolls on my first try. The second was much better. I'm still trying to figure out why the marshmallow didn't melt on your second batch! Weird!!

    My recent post Monday Smorgasbord

  8. AWE-Some!!! LOL! We made the rolls for the first time too and ours bubbled out of about half of them (the ones that were not sealed properly- you must have a sealed tomb!) We loved them anyway, and the preparation was the best part- talking about the body anointed with oil, and spices, and wrapping him up. Oh, and they were darn yummy too. You're an awesome mom!
    My recent post Seeing and Being Seen

  9. PS I made the merengue ones last year- the ones that you leave in the tomb (oven) overnight. Those worked. :)

    My recent post Seeing and Being Seen

  10. Thank you so much for sharing this!! :)

    I've never even heard of resurrection rolls… Now I don't believe I will ever be trying them. lol Love that last picture!!
    My recent post Good Enough

  11. we make the rolls every year. Jesus always melts out of a few (gotta wrap and stick them tight–that helps!). If you have a roll recipe with higher heat that helps make sure that the marshmallows melt too (mine is as 375 for 12 minutes). We've had a few unmelted ones.
    I think I can one up you though: one year I discovered I didn't have any big marshmallows! So we did bundles of little ones…Jesus goes through mytosis perhaps?!

  12. this was the heartiest I've laughed today. Thank you!

    I've never heard of these, but then again, I'm not very crafty, either.
    My recent post Next Sunday won’t be the same

  13. i agree with donna, and since she already said it, i won't. my brother and i are always teasing my parents about the “remember whens”. it's what really makes family fun! i've never heard of the marshmallow ones, but have heard of the meringue ones. guess the better they sound, the worse they do? hilarious post, even at your expense…

  14. Hahaha! This is why I don't read blogs about cooking, I am terrible at food! Just buy the plastic “resurrection eggs” set like we have, it's more straightforward ;) I agree, this will be a great funny memory for your family as the years go on :)

  15. I tried to make those empty tomb cookies last year and they were nothing but a big mess. What ARE these people that manage to make these things work??
    My recent post Toddler Tuesday- Our play garden

  16. in general, I make it a habit not to call anyone a liar, but I'm pretty sure anyone who has ever made ressurection rolls are lair through thheir teeth. There's nothing easy about them, whether they're made with marshmallows or powdered sugar. DARN THOSE ANALOGIES!!!! It sounds like you made a good recovery, though. Well played… :)
    My recent post Handstands in Heaven

  17. I think your boss may want to have a word with you later. Apparently she doesn't take well to failure!
    My recent post 245- Play Ball

  18. Oh my dear, you're hilarious and sound a lot like me and mine. ;) I've been looking up lots of the blogs on the C.O.M. homeschool blog contest and you're for sure my favorite! I will find my way back and vote for you (at the expense of voting for myself – is that sacrificial love or what?)
    Melyssa from ” target=”_blank”>http://www.thedazeofus.blogspot.com
    My recent post homeschool blogs

  19. The marshmallow is Jesus? I get so lost in these analogous crafty activities, and since I burn and explode so many things, I just don't even try any more. Dying eggs is about the extent of it.
    My recent post The Before-the-Sex-Talk Talk with My Son

    • Yeah … it was supposed to like you were anointing his body with spices and oil .. I think. And then putting in the tomb. Obviously, we failed.

  20. Hahaha…what a funny story (even though you may not have found it funny at first)! Way to go even trying to do that object lesson! :)

  21. lessonNumberOne says:

    love it! It reminds me of the time my daughter decided to shape bread stick dough into a creche…nothing says happy birthday jesus like eating his whole family.

    The last picture…fabulous. Been there. very funny stuff

    Is it wrong that I may want other similar type things to happen to you so you can write and I can laugh?

  22. new reader and follower
    My recent post Soothe Your Soul

  23. Hilarious! I love it!

  24. Hopefully you will feel better to know that our Jesus oozed all over the pan too…I just got him up and out before my kids saw it. My 5 year old insisted that we use bunny peeps instead of marshmallows though because “they look more like Jesus since they have eyes.” I think we owe the Lord an apology for that comparison too! LOL! Loved reading your post. First time visiting…will come back for sure! Hope you'll pop over and visit LifeforDessert sometime…you can read how I almost ruined Easter when I threw an egg at the wall…ahh…the sinful humanity we all have to deal with?!

  25. Perfect! My sister made these last Easter with my kids and it didn't work for her either. I have my doubts that anyone can make marshmallow Jesus disappear.
    My recent post Leaving on a Diesel Bus

  26. I'm sorry you had such a hard time with the rolls. Your telling of the roll disaster is very funny, though. You made a great family memory. There's always next year for the rolls. :)

    Linda @ Linda's Lunacy http://www.lindaslunacy.blogspot.com

  27. Okay, really, this post is HYSTERICAL. I was really LOL (no, really OUT LOUD) at your kid shouting Jesus didn't die.
    My recent post I Just Chose Six

  28. AHAHAHHHAHHAHAH!!!

    Oh, I hope i didn't just wake someone up by laughing out loud in a very unfeminine way!!

    I saw these too and I said, “I should make these with the kids!!” and then the Voice of Reason whispered deep into my soul “Please. As if.” Then it rolled it's eyes.

    Now….you have relieved me of my Bad Mommy Guilt sister, and I am eternally grateful. For I am POSITIVE my Jesus marshmallows would have refused to co-operate also.

    My recent post A word to my sisters and brothers adopting from Ethiopia who may be depressed and or-pulling out their hair

  29. I tried to read this out loud to my husband, and I had to repeat myself multiple times because he couldn't understand me — I was laughing too hard. So hilarious!! “…you shouldn't make fun of someone who died for you.”
    Hahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!! This is pure gold…all around. Thank you, thank you for sharing this. And that picture at the end is priceless! I love it. :)
    My recent post Hello- Crazy!

  30. This is such a great example of real life. Don't let this keep you from trying new stuff in the future. Just roll with it! Thanks for sharing!
    My recent post Friday Confessional w- Mamarazzi

  31. I am laughing so hard, I am crying…thank you!

  32. I laughed till I cried. Too funny. Read you all the time.

  33. JenniferK says:

    Oh my goodness!! I laughed so hard I was weeping and my 5 year old thought something was terribly wrong ;-) Thank you so much for this post – Hahahaha!

  34. I haven't made these for years (like 25) but they did turn out for me. But when I made them they did not have the resurrection title.

  35. Wow, this CRACKED me up! I've seen those rolls all over the place and thought I should make them when my daughter is older. Thanks for the warning. And the laugh!
    My recent post I Do- I Do- I Do

  36. You were just making memories… that's the stuff of many years of Thanksgiving dinner “remember the time Mom tried to make resurrection eggs?” stories… GOOD TIMES!

    • Yes, I've finally starting to grasp this. But in the moment it felt like I was definitely setting them up for atheism. Snicker. :D

  37. This is hilarious! Kudos to you for trying new things – I usually don't. At least you'll always have the memories ;)!
    My recent post Count It All Joy

  38. I loved this post, Jessica. Pure gold. :)

    • Thanks. I should seriously write about our antics a little more often, because apparently – people love to hear about my crazy. Lol.

  39. Hilarious! I just found out about resurrection rolls this year, after Easter. I filed the idea away to use when my little Snort gets big enough, but it's good to know that I'll need a contingency plan for any marshmallow mishaps. Lol, thanks for sharing, too funny.
    My recent post Hmm

  40. Oh my goodness. I cannot tell you the last time I laughed this hard at a blog post. I was jiggling and the cat got angry because he was napping on my lap next to the computer. So, geez. You ruined Easter and my cat's evening nap. Thanks a lot. ;)
    My recent post Gratitude

  41. You know, this is exactly why I stick to the basics at holidays and rarely have anything exciting to post after the holidays! I'm always too stressed out with the stuff I'm already familiar with to even bother trying something new….but I'm usually tempted!

    My recent post Happy Mothers Day!

  42. Priceless! This is why I never baked and tried crafty mom projects. And the “Wild Ones” at church…. yeah, those were my kids. Thanks for sharing. Hope you are all recovered now.
    My recent post Comedy or Tragedy

  43. -giggles-
    That is why I don't try them. I'm so afraid I won't get it right and thus scar my kids for life. I had the bright idea of making hollow rice krispie treat eggs as the “tomb”. Um, yeah. Ooey, gooey, sticky mess that stuck to my hands. It certainly wasn't all easy like the commercial showed. Thank you for sharing this and reminding me that I'm not the only non-artsy mom out there. :D

  44. OH MY goodness that is hysterical! I would have been the same exact way when my kids were that age. I hope you can look back and laugh now :) Found your post from Brooke’s FB post today.

  45. reading this from Brooke’s FB post. hilarious!!

  46. I actually laughed out loud while reading this post! It’s not one of those “lol” comments when you didn’t really laugh at all. This is wonderful! Your kids will be telling this story to your grandchildren someday. You’re famous!
    Kayla G. recently posted..Fathers: Heavenly and OtherwiseMy Profile

  47. ha. haha. hahahahahahahahahaha. I remember you telling me this story.
    Neffer recently posted..Alligator Lake againMy Profile

  48. You didn’t actually ruin it, you made a scenario which will perpetually be alive in your children’s minds. LOL. They should share this story to their children as well! haha, thanks for the share!
    Beth Watkins recently posted..Spring Beauty Trends – Soft EyelinerMy Profile

  49. So, I tried baking these today and the marshmallows didn’t melt… and I was almost ready to cry and I went to Google to try to figure out what went wrong before I showed them to the kids and found this blog post… I feel better knowing that i”m not the only one who can somehow ruin a 4 ingredient recipe.

  50. Oh, THANK YOU for this story!! I’ve recently been feeling lots of self-inflicted ‘mom-guilt’ (pressure, regrets, whatever) and wishing to hear from ‘honest moms’ who actually struggle with things. Your post made me laugh out loud and sigh with relief. Your honesty is awesome! (Do people still say awesome? Probably not. ) Anyway, I’ll definitely be reading more of your posts!

  51. This made me lol! Last year we made the resurrection cookies. The ones that are meringue with pecans. We followed the directions, taped our tomb closed and just knew our cookies would be done by morning … not even close :) some of them were so raw the meringue was still stringy when you broke the cookie open! We will try again this year :)

  52. Samantha says:

    I just tried these for the first time this year and had gooey marshmallow all over the pan as well. After seeing blog after blog of perfect tombs, I assumed it was easy. Definitely disappointing for my kids and I. Thank you for your honest post.

  53. I’m so sorry but this is the greatest laugh I’ve had all day!!!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Remember that time I ruined Easter?   Yeah, that was funny.  Sorry, [...]

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge