When Reconciliation Fails


I’m over at A Deeper Story today talking about one of the more hurtful things that a Christian has ever done to me. If you’d like to read it, click the link below.






  1. I to love lighting their candles thole it is not part of my faith. The church is beautiful.
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  2. I read this several days ago and it’s been on my mind ever since. First of all, I am really, really sorry for the way your friend has hurt you. I know what it’s like to be rejected. I know how much it stings and when they can’t/ don’t/ won’t offer an explanation, it pours alcohol or something equally painful on that wound. I. have. been. there. I had to cut ties with the friend, because it was so painful for me, BUT several years later, she and I had the chance to talk it out a bit. Come to find out, it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with things that were going on in her life.SHE was in turmoil and cutting people out of her life was a byproduct of that turmoil. This friend is someone you said you were extremely close to, so you know her character. If this was out of character, perhaps the issue is more than skin deep. I learned that I am not patient. I want answers right away, but to get the answers I desired, I had to wait several years. Our friendship isn’t the way it was, but if we see each other now, it doesn’t hurt.

    This part stood out to me: It remains one of the most hurtful, most unChristian things that anyone has ever done to me.

    UnChristian? What is that? Do you mean unChrist-like? Because I could agree with that, but I think that Christians by definition are in need of a savior, and blah, blah, all that stuff you already know. It would be impossible for me to act in an unChristian manner, because I am a Christian. So my good behavior and my bad behavior, it’s all Christian behavior, but as far as acting Christ-like, no way! Not one of us could ever meet that level of perfection, even though we strive most days for it.

    I pray that one day you get answers. If that is not in the cards for you, I pray that you come to accept it. It sounds like you and your friend are on different paths, so maybe cutting ties will end up being a good thing for both of you.
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    • Well, she said it had to do with me, but of course there’s always the chance that it’s not totally one-sided (imagine that!).

      There was a blog post going around the interwebs recently that said: “Jesus died to be inclusive. So why is the church so bent on being exclusive? Why do we continue to practice policies and doctrines that deny the humanity of those who identify differently? Why do we create new classes of the unclean?”

      I guess that sort touches on how I feel. It’s ridiculous how close mine and this friend’s beliefs are. Ridiculous. And yet I’m not quite “same” enough to be included.

      I think that’s ver “unChristian”, so to speak. We should be able to have unity in diversity. And love. And respect.
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