Plank Pullin – The One Where I Parent My Husband In Parenting

It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5 style.

 

So, have you noticed how often my planks are related to my children or my husband?  Welp, that’s because they pretty much make up all of my life, y’all.  So they’re the people I screw up with the most.  Such is life. And this week is no different.

 

Now, this isn’t actually something I’ve had a problem with this week so much as a problem I’ve had for 10 years and have been concentrating harder on rectifying recently. I don’t even know what to call it, so I’ll just describe it to you: When my husband is parenting in a way that I think is wrong or too harsh, I step in.   I attempt to do so gently, but I can’t stop myself from trying to diffuse the situation.  I want to help him get some perspective, or step in and take over so that he’s relieved of the situation that has him frustrated.  And, in the heat of the moment, not knowing what else to do, I usually end up saying the phrase, “Be nice.”  I don’t say it in a disrespectful way, but it’s become my nagging catch phrase.  As if saying those two words will switch a magic patience light switch within him.

 

Sigh.

 

The thing is, I do a whole lot of the same stuff. I lose my temper and get frustrated and am more harsh than I need to be sometimes.  And he never steps in and tries to correct me.  Ever.  To be honest, I wish he would (lovingly, of course).  I wish that, seeing how thin my patience is worn, he would step in and be the good guy and give me the break I need.  I guess that’s another reason why I’m always stepping in trying to be the good guy when he’s the one stressed.

 

But even though I say I don’t do these things disrespectfully, I know he still feels disrespected when I do it.  Like I’m disrespecting this authority, perhaps.  Which only makes him more agitated.   And I think I need to step back.  Especially since I have a serious plank in the issue considering that I act too harshly sometimes with the Wild Things – and it’s so easy to resent the person pointing out your speck when you know they do the same thing.

 

So, I’m making an effort to hold back the mama bear inside of me and work harder to be the parent I want both of us to be.  Because here’s the thing (and disclaimer, y’all) – he’s not abusing the Wild ThingsThe Wild Things are safe and live in a healthy environment with two loving parents. So I’ma thinkin that I need to calm down!

 

If the last 10 years has taught me anything about this situation it’s that my version of “helping” only exasperates the situation.  Um, and that’s not helping!  And he doesn’t need me to tell him when he’s slipped.  We all know when we slip.  I know I am acutely aware every time I feel like I’ve failed to be the loving parent I desire for my children and I don’t need him rubbing my face in it.

 

So I am even more literally than usual pulling this plank.  (Which, in large part, means being the change I want to see)  After all, I’ll be able to see a whole lot better with it gone so that I can help him with his speck, am I right?

 

 

-Jessica

 



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Comments

  1. With Chad and I, we both step in equally. When he is short on patience, I take over, when I am short on patience, he takes over. When we are both short on patience, we call Grandmas. :-p

    Fortunately that’s a rare occurrence. Lol
    Amy recently posted..Not Just Raisin BranMy Profile

  2. You know, sometimes I think you’ve stepped inside of my head. :) That is exactly what happens in my house. And I’m pretty sure my husband doesn’t appreciate it as much as I think he will. lol
    brooke recently posted..Why I Refuse To Count S*!tMy Profile

    • I think it’s because most of us humans/mothers/people are pretty similar on the inside. :) All the more reason to support each other.

  3. This is my 1st time visiting your blog and I’ve found a post that is talking about me! :) Thanks for this great post–I (and my hubby, I’m sure) would love to see some change in this area.
    Rikki recently posted..Fire StaionMy Profile

    • Hey, glad to have you – thanks for stopping by. :) And yeah, I think this is probably an issue that we all deal with. It’s always good to know we’re not alone in our depravity, I guess. ;)

  4. I struggle with this too. I feel like since I’m home with our daughter more, I know (not all the time, but a lot of the time) better how to handle certain situations. I am sure my husband doesn’t appreciate it though. That’s not the only area I’m driving him crazy in though. Just today he was driving and it seemed like he wasn’t going to stop in time for a red light, so I spoke up. Then I thought he was getting on the wrong street and started to say something until I realized he was actually in the right spot. He got frustrated with me. I wasn’t meaning to be disrespectful, just helpful, and to remain alive ;) Imagine if I’d also mentioned to him that he was in the middle of a three lane turn lane and went into the third persons lane after making the turn (we only have a couple of those so they always throw you for a loop). Thankfully, I refrained and we made it home just fine.
    Sharon recently posted..InfluenceMy Profile

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