It’s Plank Pullin’ time! The one day a week that we strongly resolve to ignore the multitude of specks and sawdust around us and pull one bona fide plank from our own eye. Matthew 7:3-5, style.
I live in a guilt-ridden universe, y’all. I know it may sometimes seem like I have all (or a few of) the answers around here. And sure, I do have some answers. But having answers doesn’t necessarily mean having the power or discipline to apply them effectively to your life. Which makes them more or less pointless. Except for the purposes of making you miserable.
I believe that eating less will help me lose weight.
I believe that you can attract more bees with honey than with vinegar (insert profound parenting analogy here).
I believe that solitude with God will produce fruits of the spirit.
Yet, knowing and doing are two very. different. things.
Having knowledge but feeling perpetually unable to obtain the benefits of it has dealt a blow to my soul these last few years. Instead of feeling the freedom and grace that I’m told I should have, I feel caged: In slavery to my own mind and flesh and weaknesses.
Husband thinks I have an unrealistic and unfair perspective. He says that, because I’ve been home with the kids this last year and interacted less with the “outside world” I’ve forgotten what I depraved place it can be. That compared to great swatches of society, I do indeed have patience, and love, and grace, and all those other things I’m sure I have none of.
He’s probably right, in a way. But I’ve never liked living a life of downward comparisons. It seems like rationalization to me.
“Oh, well I’m not like them. I don’t do drugs or yell at my kids in public or have a porn addiction. So I’m okay.”
I’ve lived with the idea as long as I can remember that the person you are in private, is the real you. We all know that Public You is a doctored image, to one degree or another. Public You is generally more patient, more controlled, more smiley. But Private You? Well, that’s where the safeguards sometimes get ripped away and the full depth of your flaws and failures get unleashed.
I was talking to Husband recently about this, and he was kind of surprised and bothered by my perspective. I was kind of surprised and bothered that my best friend of 12 years didn’t already know that’s the reality I live in. He insisted that it’s unfair to judge a portion of yourself as if it’s the whole. Whoever you are is an average of all of you, public and private, good and bad.
I guess that does make sense. But there’s still a part of my brain that says, “Yeah, but come on. You know that the real you is in private”.
I don’t know if this exactly qualifies as a plank, but I judge myself super harshly. I discount any good qualities or blurbs in personality as not “real” and only attribute my true self to my worst qualities and moments. Guess I should work on that. Beats sitting around depressed all the time.
What do you think? Who’s the real you?
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