When you marry you inherit a second set of opinions into your life, into your decisions. You’re no longer free to make decisions without input – even decisions about yourself.
My question is, how much of this is healthy? Where is the line between molding yourself to fit the other person and not giving a flip what they think? I don’t think either extreme equals a happy or healthy partnership. How much do you tailor your appearance for your spouse’s preferences?
Several months back I quit wearing makeup. I did this of my own accord, without a real soapbox or principle. My husband has always sworn that he thinks women are prettier without makeup and I’m sure that factored into my decision somewhere though it wasn’t the catalyst.
Well, recently I decided the no makeup phase was over and lobbed on a bit of mascara. It made me feel pretty and so I told the husband that I was going to start wearing it again. He wasn’t happy about it, insisting that he doesn’t think it’s pretty. I was disappointed. After all, I barely wear any (just mascara) and it had been making me feel a tiny bit better about myself all day.
This isn’t the first time we’ve had different opinions about appearance. I’ve held off on getting my nose pierced for years because he doesn’t like the idea. I’ve also refrained from more visible tattoos and never braved the heavy bangs I have a secret crush on – all because I know he strongly dislikes those things.
At the end of the day, I just don’t want to change my appearance in a way that makes me less attractive to my husband. And I always reverse the scenario in my head. What if he wanted to grow a mullet or something (a hairstyle I think is hideous). I would beg him not to. Beg. And insist. And in his reality he truly thinks that, oh say, heavy bangs are basically a girl mullet.
So, what do you think? Where’s the healthy line? Should I run out and pierce my nose, tattoo my wrist, and get a bangin’ new hairstyle? Or should I respect my husband’s wishes and opinions.
How has this played out in your relationship?