When you marry you inherit a second set of opinions into your life, into your decisions. You’re no longer free to make decisions without input – even decisions about yourself.
My question is, how much of this is healthy? Where is the line between molding yourself to fit the other person and not giving a flip what they think? I don’t think either extreme equals a happy or healthy partnership. How much do you tailor your appearance for your spouse’s preferences?
Several months back I quit wearing makeup. I did this of my own accord, without a real soapbox or principle. My husband has always sworn that he thinks women are prettier without makeup and I’m sure that factored into my decision somewhere though it wasn’t the catalyst.
Well, recently I decided the no makeup phase was over and lobbed on a bit of mascara. It made me feel pretty and so I told the husband that I was going to start wearing it again. He seemed kind of disappointed, reminding me that he likes me without it makeup. His disappointment disappointed me. And around we go. Lol.
This isn’t the first time I’ve considered this opinion about these things. From nose piercings, to tattoos, to bangs. I know what he likes and what he doesn’t like and I can’t help but care about that.
At the end of the day, I just don’t want to change my appearance in a way that makes me less attractive to my husband. And I always reverse the scenario in my head. What if he wanted to grow a mullet or something (a hairstyle I think is hideous). I would beg him not to. Beg. And insist. And in his reality he truly thinks that, oh say, heavy bangs are basically a girl mullet.
So, what do you think? Where’s the healthy line? Should I run out and pierce my nose, tattoo my wrist, and get a bangin’ new hairstyle? Or should I respect my husband’s wishes and opinions?
There’s no simple answer to these questions, of course. There has to be balance in any relationship. It’s all apart of that crazy, complicated balance we strike of love and respect in marriage. There’s a popular book that I think does a good job of presenting that yin and yang aspect of relationships. It’s called Love and Respect and is a great place to start if you’re feeling desperate and unloved in your marriage.
How has this played out in your relationship?