I’m not a hugger

Look, they're hugging. Weirdos.

I’m not a hugger, y’all.  I’m just not.

Well, unless I happen to be married to you.  Then I’m going to hug you way more than you want to be hugged.  Cause I’m all clingy and dependent like that.  And because I like you.  Deeply.

Or if I bore you from  my womb and you’re still relatively cute and squishy, say, under school-age.  I’m a sucker for cute and squishy.

But if you’re just a regular old family member or friend?  Not so much.  If you come at me with arms open I’m going to be very confused as to why you’re touching me.   I didn’t procreate with you and I didn’t procreate you.  Why are you touching me?!

I remember being this way even as an older child when cousins would run out to greet me with an emphatic hug at some holiday gathering.  Why were they touching me?!

I’m quite sure that it has something to do with the fact that my own mother wasn’t affectionate towards me after I quit being cute and squishy.

Although, I am rather squishy these days.  Just not so much with the cute…


All’s that to say : I’m reforming my non-huggy ways.  I’ve determined to make an effort towards the touching of people not related to me.  I have this theory brewing that it’s good for the soul, this showing of affection.

My mother-in-law was even telling me about something she read this year about how seniors and singles are touch-deprived and how important it is for humans to have other humans touch them.

So look out, y’all.  I’m armed and ready. (Snicker)

And I just might touch you the next time I see you.



  1. I am not a hugger either, though since I currently am not married nor do I have any children I will hug my parents on my terms and any small child I care for or that is a nephew/niece. I just have a huge personal bubble so unless I give you permission you better not enter it.

  2. I’m a deeply huggy person. And kissy too, if you’re even remotely down with that.

    I’ve had to reform as well, because I eventually found out that not everyone is comfortable with that being the automatic way that you greet someone, even the first time. I learned this far later in life than I should have, but I do try to be sensitive to the vibe that people put out. I’m sure this is an area where I can improve, because my go-to is still mostly to hug people. Also, if you’ve ever hugged me first? I will assume that you are definitely a hugger and I will hug you every. single. time. that I see you.

  3. I used to not be a hugger…until one day I felt like God was telling me to hug someone, that under normal circumstances, I would never hug. Upon said hugging, that person started to cry. She said I was the first person to hug her in years. My heart melted that day.

    I’m still not necessarily always the hug-initiator, but I never turn down a hug. And if someone looks like they need a hug, I force my feet to step towards them and do it. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted it.

    The only situation I still find REALLY uncomfortable are the LONG-huggers. The people that you hug, then let go, and they don’t. I still haven’t found a comfortable happy-medium with that one. I usually figure they really need a hug and just continue hugging, no matter how much I want to run away screaming. It usually results in the person crying, like the hug was the valve that just needed that extra turn to let forth its floodgate…but obviously they needed someone at that moment, so yeah…if God put me there, then I was meant to listen and hand over the Kleenex, and probably hug again…

    • Exactly. I think that’s the direction I’m heading, feeling out the situation and hugging if appropriate. :)

  4. I hug people that I trust- the ones in my inner circle. I have gotten a lot better over the years. But I used to have semi-panic attacks when people in church would just come up to me and touch me.

    God has certainly worked his grace in that area. Now I can give hugs pretty generously, and sometimes I really super-duper enjoy it!

    • I’ve been more in the awkward/uncomfortable scale than the panic attack one. But I’m determined to get over it!

  5. I think I’m an average huggy person, but the that picture does look creepy and it’s not because of the hugging ;b

  6. i have NEVER been a huggy/touchy kinda gal. BUT i too have been trying to hug/touch people more. seriously, i’ve been a flincher all my life to the point that in a work environment people know to stand back x number of feet when speaking to me…
    BUT did you know that if you hug with your left arm up and dip more to the right, (instead of right arm up dipping to left which is more common way)… your heart is more aligned with and closer to the person you are hugging. Seriously probably a mental thing, but i find this hug much more comfortable. heart to heart and all… as opposed to liver to liver perhaps? but seriously your heart has more nerve axons going to the brain then the brain has going to the heart. Not to mention hormones, electrical signals and things like that our hearts control. Peaceful, loving hearts change the world in manyyyy ways :) *hug with left arm up*

    • That’s pretty interesting. Is that very awkward for people who are used to hugging the other way by default? I might have to try that. :)

  7. I’ve never experienced any strange situations from doing it, but i will be like… no left arm up i want to hug you that way. I guess people who know me, know of my social sensory integration controlling manner :) dont find it weird that i hug them differently and it gives a chance to open up a conversation about someone’s heart and how its doing :) And if i’m hugging a random stranger (which is sometimes easier to do then a close friend), well then i mean they’re already a little awkward to begin with and dont realize the right/left thing.

  8. It was studied and people that get 7+ hugs a day or more happy and mentally healthy than those that don’t get that amount of hugs.

  9. i feel ya on the huggin’, dawg. heh. I am not a hugger either. The exceptions are the husband, the brother, and my mom when she hugs me first. otherwise, it is completely awkward and uncomfortable. The Chad isnt a hugger either (except for me. hehe) it totally trips him out when members of my family hug him. Of course, it trips me out when members of my family hug me too…as a kidlet, they werent ever really affectionate, but it seems like as theyve gotten older, they want to hug and drop the “L” bomb on me more. I will admit, you are far braver than I in venturing out with your arms. Does this mean we get to hug while we cheese? or just hold hands? :)

  10. We had a 10 year period of time when we hosted people from around the world, for varying lengths of time, from overnight to 3 years. The largest number of them came from Brasil, a very huggy country. Brasilians totally changed our hugging habbits. Now we hug everybody, every time. It’s really very nice!

  11. I’m ok with hugging or not hugging, generally try to gauge what the other person does – I don’t want to make someone else feel awkward by going for a hug, but I’m ok with someone giving me one.

    The one ‘hug’ that makes me feel awkward — my oldest son, who is 19, will come up behind me while I’m working on my laptop, reach over the top of the couch and hug me around the neck from behind, like a boy/girlfriend would. It creeps me out, and the only reason he does it is because he knows it creeps me out! Turkey….. Hugs in general, I’m ok with… if my wife hugs me from behind like that, I’m ok with it, but not a guy.