I spent the first 10 years of my marriage not wanting to have sex as much as my husband and really not caring about it much in general (Insert tired joke about our record for procreating here). I’m told this is perfectly normal.
I’ve never been turned on by someone other than my husband. Ever. Since falling for this guy as a teenager I’ve never looked at anyone else and thought a sexual thought. Even the super sexy ones. Like Brad Pitt. I mean sure, I could check a box affirming that they were indeed pleasing to the eye, technically. But I just didn’t care. Meh. Whatever.
Occasionally in the dozen years we’ve spent together, that husband of mine would throw out a statistic about how many times a minute men think about sex or how boys are, supposedly, turned on by nearly every woman they see. And I would scrunch up my face, equal parts disgusted and unbelieving. There’s no way people think about sex that much. How is that even possible? Perverts.
And for as long as I can remember I’ve heard whispers from the grapevine that women “peak” sexually in their 30′s. That things heat up as they get closer to this 3 decade mile marker. Well folks, I’m not going to bother to look up the scientific evidence to support or refute those claims. I don’t have to. I have all the evidence I need – in my burnin’ loins. Cause y’all, they’re afire.
Not only am I jonesing for that sexy husband of mine, I’m pretty much turned on by everyone. Everywhere. For any reason.
Climbing the stairs at church behind some lad (who’s face I can’t even see) I think, “Man those are some nice calves”. Calves!
Standing around mingling in a crowd of new faces I look down at the company of sandals and flip flops around me and my mind whispers, “Those are some sexy feet.” Feet!
Hands, feet, calves, eyes, hair – you name it, I’m turned on by it. (Aren’t you so glad you tuned in to the blog today?)
I feel like I’m playing the girl version of “I’d hit that” in my head. I drive down the road and see a young thug droppin’ his swag down the street and I mark a subconscious tally. “Yep, I’d hit that.” It’s not done maliciously, or because I’m unsatisfied in that department at home. I’ve just, I don’t know – um, awakened.
I’m sure there are medical, psychological, hormonal, whateverthecrap answers for my new “condition”. But I don’t really care about that. What I’m more than ever concerned with is guarding my heart; protecting myself from my own thoughts getting me in trouble. I have a new found empathy with guys dealing with this lusty heart thing.
And why am I telling you any of this? Cause , like I’ve been saying lately, I’m tired of hiding away the taboo parts of our lives, of everyone struggling and thinking they’re the only one. We all have these crazy, hard, weird struggles in life. And I’m tired of struggling alone – hiding away the embarrassing, shameful bits of our souls because it’s awkward and we’re afraid of being judged or misunderstood. Alone is a terrible place to be.
So, I’ve got this suddenly revved up libido. That’s what’s going on with me. Any other ladies or men out there dealing with (or have dealt with) the same thing? What do you do to protect your mind and heart when sex is on the brain?
P.S. I’m going to link up over at Life: Unmasked today. Check it out.
photo by Selma Hodzic