I Am Not Alone {A Story of Depression}


Hi, my name is Jessica and I do not suffer from depression.


Sure, it runs in my family and my mother has suffered greatly from mental illness, but that’s precisely why I’ve made a point to never claim that splot on my soul.  After all, I don’t want to affect those around me so negatively like she has.


And yes, I used to occasionally beat my head against a bed post or punch my arms until they were covered in bruises as a child when my parents were fighting a lot or being particularly verbally abusive, but I was just a kid, and kids don’t know how to handle their emotions.


It’s true, when my mom told me I couldn’t “see” my boyfriend anymore as a 14 year old I did down every pill in my parents medicine cabinet and spend the night in the hospital drinking charcoal, but all teenagers are hormonal and imbalanced, right?


And yeah, the next year when a different boyfriend broke up with me I stopped eating and lost 25 lbs within a span of a few short weeks, but again, every teenage girl thinks it’s the end of the world after a bad break up. That’s totally normal.


Sure, as an adult there have been seasons in my life when I’ve been down and was sad and tired a great deal, but I’ve never had to seek therapy or medications or hospitalization like friends and family of mine who really suffer from depression.


And yes, there may have been times when I’ve even considered harming or cutting myself, but I’ve never actually done any of those things like people who have a real problem.


And yeah, I did find myself so consistently down that I was completely robbed of my faith last winter, but I found different, more mundane, stuff to talk about on my blog and I still went to church even though I would cry before hand and feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin, during.  But when spring, and a move to a new church, came this year I found my way back to God with a stronger spiritual life than ever.


And sure, I hide all of this stuff from people, but just because I don’t want to be labeled whiny or melodramatic, not because it’s a real problem.


So you see, I’m not one of those people who really, truly suffers from depression.


However, if you are interested in reading stories of people who are accepting, coping, and living with depression, I highly recommend that you check out the book Not Alone that was edited by my friend Alise.  It’s a real lifeline to community for those people that really need it.  You know, those people with real depression.




  1. brilliant. just brilliant. Thank you.

  2. That sounds like the house I grew up in too. And I thought it was normal. And I thought some of my behavior was normal. Thanks for posting this. :)

  3. Wow, Jess. Powerful. And no, I’ve never suffered from depression either. I’ve never driven away from my house hoping I would never have to come back to my kids and my life, or considered starting the car in the garage and just getting in it, or felt like such a failure in everything that I wouldn’t get out of bed and ruin my kids any more than I already had. (A very dark period of my life that also suffocated my faith. Thankfully, God crept back in, like grass through a crack in the pavement…)

    Nope not me. But I think I’ll check out that book anyway…

  4. Wow…you and are have SOO much in common from our childhood…AND motherhood! Good thing we got it so “together”….to bad I paid a therapist to convince me…lol!
    Great post!

  5. Can’t relate to any of it either… and I’m sure you can’t relate to being hospitalized in high school for being suicidal, or having to leave a job because of what used to be called a “nervous breakdown” (I wasn’t really nervous, just broken down, right?) or social/general/anxiety or agoraphobia or whatnot… nah.

    Honestly, though, these last few years have been well, but I know that it could all rush back in to overwhelm me at any given moment. Grateful to not be alone.

  6. Very powerful post, Jessica. Thanks for sharing.

  7. We could have some great talks over coffee. But, since this is the internet world, I will just say thank you, and that I can relate greatly. It’s never an easy thing to let this stuff out, but its very healing.

  8. That was perfect.

  9. Living above.

    That’s what this was. :)

    And I loved it, Jessica.

  10. I am raising my coffee cup. :)

  11. Not so sure I can relate to this, just like I’m sure you can’t relate to falling in love with your best friend only to realize after 10 years they just aren’t the person they led you to believe so you use all of your sick days at work because you’re really just sick of existing (but every girl has a bad break up experience right? I mean that is totally normal). My faith has really been tested the last few months and, while I know I’m certainly NOT depressed, I will definitely check out this book. Thanks so much for posting!

  12. Thank you so much for this. There is so much to be gained from sharing your story, whatever that story is. And I think the more “taboo” it is, the more it needs to be shared.

    Thanks for taking the time to read Not Alone and to share it with your readers. I appreciate the support!


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