Grocery Line Apologies

Dear Everyone Behind Me In Line,

 

Dear Everyone Who’s Ever Stood Behind Me In Line,

 

I’m sorry.  Really, I am.  I know you’re in a hurry and you just wanted to swing in and buy a birthday cake, or you’re an elderly couple that just wants to quickly pay for their white bread and vanilla cookies, or that you’re a grumpy baby boomer, annoyed by existing.

 

And, honestly, if I had seen you coming before I started overloading the conveyer belt I would have let you jump ahead of me.  Truly.  But the flair laden cashier is already ringing me up and the whole situation is out of my hands.  Perhaps you’d feel more comfortable at the express lane since you, clearly, have less than 15 items.  Or maybe you could be real adventurous and attempt self check-out.  Go ahead, go crazy.

 

But if you do have to wait behind me for the next 5 minutes, I hope that you can find some grace and forgiveness for me as every. single. one. of my 400 discount larabars won’t scan because the managers special stickers were placed on a crinkle of wrapping.  And when the highly motivated bagger boy can’t repack my cart to fit all of my caloric conquests because I used my ninja mommy skills the first go around to stack an intricate nutritional puzzle that can’t be recreated.

 

And I hope you won’t mind that my Five Year Old is crying because said bagger boy was so busy with my hoarding stash that he forgot to offer the poor child a free sucker.  And that my Three Year Old is pulling candy bars off of the shelf.  And that my Seven Year Old is acting like Spiderman, all kinds of in your personal space.

 

But I promise, we’ll be out of your grocery hair soon.  I know it seems like it, but the world really isn’t about to quit turning.  I assure you, it’s an impatient illusion.  And you can at least rest easy knowing you aren’t the one that’s going to have to try and fit those 4 children and 400 lara bars into the back of a Durango before going home with Spiderman and Crying McCryerson who are now certain that they’re starving to death.  Like, on death’s door.  Like, Any. Minute. Now.

 

So, I’m very sorry if we inconvenienced you.  I’m sorry if we were a little bit in your way, and a little bit loud.  I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us.  Because, really, I’m going to lose so much sleep worrying about it …

 

Again, many apologies.

 

-Jessica

*photo by jasonparis via flickr

Comments

  1. HA – I love it. Especially because our grocery-store trips are a choreographed masterpiece that requires the participation of three family members (myself, husband, 12-year-old daughter and/or my 76-year-old mom, who lives with us). They come every two weeks, and we’re list-coupons-calculator people, and of course the care with which I cram $300 worth of food for four people and seven pets into ONE cart never works out when they’re bagged… :)
    Joan recently posted..From homeschooled student to homeschooling mom: Going full circle, Part 1My Profile

  2. shannon synclare says:

    http://theholisticmama.com/?p=1506
    make those larabars at home. save money…lets kids obsess

    • I’ve totally thought about it! My friend made some recently and raved about ‘em. Luckily though, my store marks them down dramatically pretty often, so I only snatch them up when they’re 50 or 70 cents each. Winning.

  3. No apologies necessary, I just want your discounted lara bars…
    Vicki Arnold recently posted..Random Notes From the TrenchesMy Profile

  4. Ha. Love. I like shopping with you. :) Its an adventure.
    Apparently self check out down here is a brand new thing because only a couple of stores have it. And the ones that do, have cashiers that hover around you like you are going to hit a wrong button and make the world implode (or, you know, make the zombie apocalypse will reign down on us). And if I’m only getting a couple of things, I purposely lay them on the scale thing because I don’t want a bag. Don’t force my stuff into a bag while I’m not looking. Plastic bag ninjas, they are.

  5. I love this! I was recently in line at the store with a woman in front of me with a ton of things to buy. After the cashier rang it all up, the woman realized that she had left her debit card at home and didn’t have a way to pay for any of it. The woman left and the cashier had to call his manager to come and clear everything. We probably had to wait, at most, three mintues. The woman in line behind me began to throw a fit about how she is “in a hurry and just wanted to be buy some tylenol and she’s going to be late for her son’s soccer game” blah blah blah. (Who goes to Walmart when they’re in a hurry?) Anyway, I let her in front of me telling him that “I’m not in a hurry, so you can go in front me.” She acted like it was big inconvenience to actually get in front of me. Some people just aren’t very patient.
    Kayla G. recently posted..Six Word SaturdayMy Profile

  6. That sounds about right. LOL. And why is it that things go so well in the cart when its a disorganized mess, but throw that stuff in a bag and you wonder how you ever got it in the cart????
    Amy recently posted..A Gasp of BreathMy Profile

  7. So funny! Amen!

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