Dear Everyone Who’s Ever Stood Behind Me In Line,
I’m sorry. Really, I am. I know you’re in a hurry and you just wanted to swing in and buy a birthday cake, or you’re an elderly couple that just wants to quickly pay for their white bread and vanilla cookies, or that you’re a grumpy baby boomer, annoyed by existing.
And, honestly, if I had seen you coming before I started overloading the conveyer belt I would have let you jump ahead of me. Truly. But the flair laden cashier is already ringing me up and the whole situation is out of my hands. Perhaps you’d feel more comfortable at the express lane since you, clearly, have less than 15 items. Or maybe you could be real adventurous and attempt self check-out. Go ahead, go crazy.
But if you do have to wait behind me for the next 5 minutes, I hope that you can find some grace and forgiveness for me as every. single. one. of my 400 discount larabars won’t scan because the managers special stickers were placed on a crinkle of wrapping. And when the highly motivated bagger boy can’t repack my cart to fit all of my caloric conquests because I used my ninja mommy skills the first go around to stack an intricate nutritional puzzle that can’t be recreated.
And I hope you won’t mind that my Five Year Old is crying because said bagger boy was so busy with my hoarding stash that he forgot to offer the poor child a free sucker. And that my Three Year Old is pulling candy bars off of the shelf. And that my Seven Year Old is acting like Spiderman, all kinds of in your personal space.
But I promise, we’ll be out of your grocery hair soon. I know it seems like it, but the world really isn’t about to quit turning. I assure you, it’s an impatient
illusion. And you can at least rest easy knowing you aren’t the one that’s going to have to try and fit those 4 children and 400 lara bars into the back of a Durango before going home with Spiderman and Crying McCryerson who are now certain that they’re starving to death. Like, on death’s door. Like, Any. Minute. Now.
So, I’m very sorry if we inconvenienced you. I’m sorry if we were a little bit in your way, and a little bit loud. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us. Because, really, I’m going to lose so much sleep worrying about it …
Again, many apologies.
*photo by jasonparis via flickr