I can’t remember the last time I finished a book. I was an insatiable reader as a child and it followed me into young adulthood for a spell. But my interest in fiction waned as a grown up and I’ve read very little fiction in the last decade.
And so for awhile non-fiction became my fuel. I wanted to know more about a hundred things. Theology, farming, knitting, parenting, you name it. I poured over blogs and rang up an Amazon bill filling my library.
Now? I can hardly stand to pick up a book. No, perhaps worse than that. I’m painfully apathetic.
The very honest truth, for better or worse, is that I’ve become immune to words. And social media is largely to blame. I have drowned in the poetry of opinions and now they no longer affect me much. My eyes glaze over when I see a brilliant editorial piece. I scan past it, throw it on the appropriate pile.
Poverty – glaze.
Church – glaze.
Parenting – glaze.
Bloggers go on trips to impoverished countries and share ebony and ivory pictures of tiny hand holding and I don’t even bother to click the link.
I scan my newsfeed (when I bother, which isn’t often anymore) and Buzzfeed is about the only thing that sparks my interest.
I suppose there are a handful of reasons that I’m so uninspired by the inspiring anymore.
I’m a millennial with ADD who just wants to be entertained. I don’t want to read your poem, I just want to watch reruns of The Office. The Office makes me happy. The Office captures the beauty and awkwardness of everyday life like few blogs or books do.
I got off the train. And left the station. The Opinion Express got exhausting and I was tired of traveling it’s lines. Meh. I just want to pour a drink and watch Downton Abbey. Boring is the new fascinating.
I stare at words enough for work. After doing that for hours a day I’m not interested in staring at new words. Particularly words I’m indifferent about. If I do pick up reading again it’ll probably be to return to my childhood love of fiction. Because, again, I pretty much just want to be entertained. Because burnt out millennial.
And, frankly, I refuse to feel guilty. As I’ve said before, I’m done with guilt. It’s a game that has no place in Christianity. So instead of beating myself up and trying to feign interest in the written word I will simply accept the fact that life ebbs and flows. Seasons come and seasons go and this is a season of my life that doesn’t lend itself to reading. I am certain that one day that will change.
In the mean time, I will watch Grey’s Anatomy and read Buzzfeed and live a perfectly satisfied life.
Do you read much these days?