She confided in me because she was desperate. She was struggling, drowning in depression. There were two healthy babies and a loving husband at home, but she was haunted by many things, not the least of which was her past. That teenage boyfriend that she was sure she would marry, the one that talked her into aborting the baby that would have made her a 16 year old mother. And the guilt laid heavy on her soul.
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Usually I’m more than willing to add my voice to the den on most any evangelical subject but this is one area that I’ve purposely remained mum about through the years – Abortion. It’s not because I have a deeply hidden personal story of how abortion has directly affected my life. I don’t. So why have I kept my silence for so long? Because of her.
Because the subject is saturated, soaked, and dripping in pain. It may not be painful for me, but it’s bone-deep, soul-achingly painful for many women sitting in pews all across the country. And I’m not willing to be the salt in their wound.
For the record, I’m “pro-life” (if that innocent little phrase could possibly exist without being loaded with politics and hate). But there are ways to help an issue and ways to exasperate it. And I feel like most of what Christians do in their attempts at being pro-life fall squarely into the category of exasperation.
Being part of a rally, holding a sign board, slinging the word “murderers” from the pulpit – It stops nothing and it heals no one. Abortion is one of those issues that needs quiet, thoughtful action – not loud, thoughtless noise. Don’t just stand there – do something. Find a way, an organization, a system to be the loving hands of God to women affected by or considering abortion. Be known by your love.
Because in my experience, most of the people who have followed through on the decision to abort already agree with you. According to this website 43% of women obtaining an abortion identify themselves as Protestant, 27% as Catholic, and 13% of abortion patients describe themselves as born-again or Evangelical Christians. But they’re also most likely young, unmarried, and a terrible combination of both scared and desperate.
So every time you share that tactless, graphic image on facebook and emphasize how disgusting and terrible abortion is, you haunt them. You hurt them. And, let’s face it, you’re probably not facebook friends with people who disagree with you anyway, so what good are you doing, really?
For the love of mercy and goodness, before you hit “share”, think of her. She’s sitting in your church, she goes to your small group. She already agrees with you. If you want to help, help. Find a way to support those who need the education or support system to tackle this decision without the haunting.
Be the salt, but don’t rub it in wounds. Be the light, but don’t shine it in eyes.
And for goodness sake, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
-Jessica
*photo via flickr
YES. YES. YES!!!! Couldn’t have said it better. Abortion is not the problem but a very sad and real symptom of something bigger. Instead of the shaming and bible thumping we need to be on our knees in prayer.
Thanks for this.
Carol Vinson recently posted..If I Was Jesus
Yes, I’m convinced that the shaming doesn’t prevent or help anything.
Thank you.
Jenna recently posted..How I Grieve
Beautiful Jessica! Thank you so much for this. It’s a balm for many women to hear.
Erin recently posted..A Day of Chocked Full of Friendship
Well said. By those stats, most women entering an abortion clinic are our own Christian sisters and condemning them does NOT help! I despise how many Christians approach this. Kudos to you for speaking up about it. I posted the same stats on my FB page once and the response by many Christians was alarming. We are to be known by our love, not by our condemning words.
Lisa recently posted..Affordable Homeschool Fun
The absolute dumbest end of this spectrum is when people violently attack clinics and such. I mean, come on. Use your head. Or Jesus.
I am so on board with this post. My only addition would be to advise against silence. I have mostly prochoice facebook friends and while I don’t post graphic, guilt ridden images I also feel like many pro life folks tend to hide from conflict so they never show their support outside of their own social circles. I’m not one to pick facebook fights either but I hope that I’ve at least made it evident to the people around me that I am gracefully and humbly in support of life whenever possible. At first glance I would be the only friend of many who might be… and I would hope to prove that not all of us are whacked out condemners with a sign and insults, kwim? Otherwise we make the prochoice agenda seem like the friendly side. I mean, would you call up a facebook friend for help if you saw all that junk she’d been posting about hell, fetus pictures, and and shame? Nope. I think anyone would choose an abortion fan over that.. because it seems to bring less judgment. But maybe some day someone will know what I believe and still feel comfortable to come to me in need.. So as you said, find a way to help.. and be honest, don’t hide out of fear of seeming like a real extremist.
Traci recently posted..Water, Cookies, Faith, and A Boy
There is a balance to be found, for sure.
YES! YES! YES! As one of those woman that have had an abortion this is exactly what we need. It doesn’t help seeing those awful signs everywhere I go. I feel bad enough as it is!
I didn’t know, LaToya. <3
And I guess that’s the point,huh? You never know.
Thanks! You never know where someone is in their healing process either. And the negativity is one of the reasons that I don’t talk about my experience much.
LaToya Edwards recently posted..Sleeping in on Saturday Mornings
Thank you for speaking from my heart!
Christine recently posted..Nature Walk in the Park
♥♥♥
Some great ways of helping the pro-life cause charitably:
1) Volunteer at a pregnancy resource center
2) Donate items, transportation, and lodging to a mother facing an unplanned pregnancy who has been given the ultimatum to abort the baby or get kicked out of her home
3) Adopt a waiting child
4) Spread awareness of post-abortion healing such as Rachel’s Vineyard http://rachelsvineyard.org/
And I will add 5) Attend pro-life demonstrations! All of the Catholic Christian demonstrations I’ve ever attended had no gruesome signs, but rather signs like “I’m glad you were born!” with a big smiley face, or something as simple as “Choose Life!” with a picture of a pair of baby feet. There are so many stories of women who were thinking of abortion and asking God for a sign. And literally, He sent a sign. :)
God bless!
Jessica,
So very well said. Thank you.
Jamal Jivanjee recently posted..Does Familiarity Breed Contempt or Adoration?