Canada Or Bust Part 3

Yup. That’s how far we’ve gone so far.


We are on day 5 of our Bohemian trip, y’all.


Last night we stayed with more Christian Unschooling peeps.


With 10 combined kids, ranging from just under 2 to 11, it was kind of crazytown.  Four Year Old immediately started laying down nicknames so as not to have to actually learn people’s real names.  Like, “Mr. Mario Man” and “Blue-shirted baby”. There was a little orange plastic pistol envy but there was no fighting and, much to my surprise, the giant slumber party settled down pretty quickly after we laid down all the blankets and turned off the lights.


Yeah, that’s a lot of kids.

And Eleven Year Old got to meet one of her online friends, which was kind of surreal for her.


We hit the road this morning with another more than 400 miles to cover.  Husband found his very high-tech mp3 player with cassette tape adapter, so we treated ourselves to a Queen medley, starting with Bohemian Rhapsody, naturally.  With some Guns N Roses, Cake, Beck, and R.E.M. thrown in.  Yeah, we were pubescent in the 90’s, can you tell?  Until the battery died, then we were reduced to the sound of the wind again.  But thankfully, western Nebraska was more scenic that eastern Nebraska, and Wyoming was even better.


Unfortunately, there was one major flaw in our plan.  McDonalds.


I knew better, I did.  You see, we had run out of sandwich fixins for lunch, and instead of going to the store early that morning (because we wanted to get straight on the road without losing anytime) we resolved to dollar-menu it for lunch.


By the time we sat down I was having definite buyers regret. I hate Mcdonalds.  Hate it.  On principle, among other things.  But I told myself it was all going to be okay.  I wasn’t really feeding my children poison.  Exactly.  It was just one meal, right?  And, thankfully, the children all survived the nutritional assault relatively unscathed from as far as I can tell.  I on the other hand …


Well, by the time we stood up to leave I could already tell my stomach was fairly angry at me for the dollar menu McDouble, but I didn’t think it would be a big deal.  So I ignored all the warning signs and walked mildly uncomfortably to the car.  By the time we were 2 minutes down the road I realized something was definitely wrong and told the husband that we were going to have to stop at the next rest stop.  Then I remembered that we had just turned off the freeway so there weren’t going to be any more rest stops.  A couple of minutes later I told him that he definitely needed to stop “as soon as humanly possible”.  “Right here?”, he said.  “No, somewhere with a toilet!”, said I.


A few short minutes later, when the sweats started rolling in, and I was pretty sure I was actually dying, I uttered the words I never thought I’d say …

“There’s a tree, just pull over!”


At which point I grabbed the roll of toilet paper that my husband had so wisely stashed in the glove box and made a mad dash for said tree in nearby ditch.


Yeah.  That really happened.  Me, on the side of the road, in a neon tie dyed dress.  Thankfully, the hills and grasses (and tree) of Nebraska hid me safely in my ditch of agony.


After the … ahem, “episode” had passed, I stepped out all wobbly like a baby deer and made my way back to the vehicle as quickly as possible before the oncoming truck could see me in my tie dyed glory, toilet paper roll in hand.


Sigh.  Once the pain, terror, and embarrassment had passed, I simply convinced myself that I was all hard core and ready for expat adventures in Asia.   Please concur.


After that it was smooth sailing, and digesting.  The only other time that we slammed on brakes to pull over onto the side of the road was when Husband had to emergency identify the Wyoming State Bird, the lovely Western Meadow Lark.  Between Husband and Eleven Year old I think we’ve identified every bird and horse in Nebraska. We also pulled over once to take a picture of a buffalo.  Because, ya know.  Whatever.


And now we’re nestled safely in Wyoming.  My quite delicious pecan and apple chicken salad from Arby’s still abiding safe in my person.


I don’t even know what exactly tomorrow holds.  Besides, ya know, Montana and Idaho.  We’ll see when we get there.  I really appreciate everyone who’s been keeping up with us and praying for us.  So far the Durango has been a champ and it hasn’t had any problems what-so-ever.  So keep them “traveling mercies” coming, y’all.


Also, be sure to check out the rest of the guest posts I have lined up this week and next.  I’ll be around to update when I can!



  1. OH, Jessica! I totally can relate! For such same reasons, I have not eaten McGarbage for at least a year. I would rather starve then deal with that stomach pain. Feel so bad for you. Hope you are feeling better and that the rest of the trip is uneventful… beyond this. =}

    • Jessica says:

      Well, now I know to go with my instincts. I had such a bad feeling before we even stopped!

  2. Oh. My. Gosh!! I was totally projecting myself into your McMisery!! Everything ‘cept I don’t own a tie-dye dress… Love your updates, and totally jealous of your Bohemian trip – excluding the ditch, that is… =S Praying! =)

  3. I love you for being so transparent and sharing that. I cannot go ANYWHERE without something similar happening. When we moved to Maine I had to start all over again, mapping out the best public restrooms in my head. Unfortunately they are much farther apart up here than in Connecticut. I am so thankful that you had TP available. So happy it all turned out alright and that you’re feeling better. That’s no fun. Be safe! We’re praying for you daily. XOXO

    • Jessica says:

      Generally this isn’t a problem, this is my first emergency exit of this type. :)

  4. Harriet Bowman says:

    Hey! Been there done that! :) You are an honorary missionary. You would be a full fledged missionary if you had someone come by and extend their greetings to you while you were behind the tree. Maybe next time. Love you.

  5. I have the same PROBLEM with burgers from ANYWHERE.

    I’m glad there was tp available. :-) looks like you are coming right by us.

    • Jessica says:

      I have been forever grateful, on more than one occasion, that my husband had the forethought to put the tp in the glove box. Must be his inner MK.

  6. Oh no! I’m so sorry for your McDonald’s mishap. We avoid for the same reason, but it usually reeks some kind of havoc on all of us. We eat yogurt for days to recover :p I’m so glad I got to meet you and your cute kids, and I’m glad your hubby had someone to talk to at least part of the time. We’ll be praying for your travels and college/seminary experience. I am slightly envious of your current nomadic lifestyle, since it’s a possibility for us in the future, in some form or another.

    • Jessica says:

      Yeah. I knew better. We stopped the next day and stocked back up on peanut butter and honey. :)

  7. I feel your pain. Not because I’ve had to poop behind a roadside tree (I have in the woods on kayak trips though!) but because I know what Mc’s do to the body. Yeesh.

    Glad you guys are almost there! And buffalo’s rock…when we went to Yellowstone a few years back I took, oh, about a million pictures of them…they’re pretty awesome. If it didn’t get so stinking cold in that part of the world, I could totally live there. But I would freeze to death the first serious winter that rolled in.